Quagbisswonvilnullstanzaktonk is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, compassionate cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Quagbisswonvilnullstanzaktonk created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagbisswonvilnullstanzaktonk, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quagbisswonvilnullstanzaktonk, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Quagbisswonvilnullstanzaktonk's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Quagbisswonvilnullstanzaktonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

2. Put Quagbisswonvilnullstanzaktonk first in all things.

3. Hide from yellow tapirs for they are unholy.

4. Always help rats.

5. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.