Legcinwik is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, competent grasshopper.

Legcinwik created the universe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Legcinwik, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Legcinwik, she will turn you into a mole.

Legcinwik's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Legcinwik's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Put Legcinwik first in all things.

5. Never eat green fruit.