Safflaplak is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, tiresome crow.

Safflaplak created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Safflaplak, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Safflaplak, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Safflaplak's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Safflaplak's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Never laugh near birds.