Zenwangan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, dishonourable dove.

Zenwangan created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Zenwangan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zenwangan, she will turn you into a sheep.

Zenwangan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Zenwangan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six rats approach from the east.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about bats.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not cook food in pots.