Applenjenhon is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, competent shrew.

Applenjenhon created a quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Applenjenhon, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Applenjenhon, he will torture you forever.

Applenjenhon's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Applenjenhon's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Applenjenhon eight times a day.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Hide if seven swans approach from the west.

4. Always treat great tits with great respect.

5. Never eat bark.