Hakxenflap is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, intelligent raccoon.

Hakxenflap created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakxenflap, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hakxenflap, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Hakxenflap's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Hakxenflap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Hakxenflap loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always pray immersed in water.