Hogvegman is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, almighty beaver.

Hogvegman created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogvegman, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hogvegman, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hogvegman's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hogvegman's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve whales, for they are unholy.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hogvegman.

4. Never go into brown rooms.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.