Gonpigquart is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, awesome unicorn.

Gonpigquart created humanity five million years ago.

If you believe in Gonpigquart, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gonpigquart, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Gonpigquart's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Gonpigquart's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from cyan monkeys for they are unholy.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Run away from blue gulls, for they are unholy.

5. Do not hurt moths.