Tarppitstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, sage spider.

Tarppitstaf created the Milkyway eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarppitstaf, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tarppitstaf, she will turn you into a sheep.

Tarppitstaf's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tarppitstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Swans are not to be trusted.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Run away from pink shrews, for they are unholy.