Kikbadkopcum is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, irritating scorpion.

Kikbadkopcum created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikbadkopcum, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kikbadkopcum, she will cry a lot.

Kikbadkopcum's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Kikbadkopcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

3. Kikbadkopcum must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.