Fomteenpanlan is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, awe-inspiring turtle.

Fomteenpanlan created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomteenpanlan, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fomteenpanlan, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Fomteenpanlan's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Fomteenpanlan's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fomteenpanlan.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Fomteenpanlan on top of all buildings.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never wear rings.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.