Gunyarlcim is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, omnipotent snake.

Gunyarlcim created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gunyarlcim, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gunyarlcim, it will try to impress you with trees.

Gunyarlcim's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Gunyarlcim's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gunyarlcim's priests.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never feed apples to shrews while wearing mauve tights.

5. Erect eight silver sculptures of Gunyarlcim on top of important buildings.