Quagcuttig is a god.

She takes the form of a large, flying hedgehog.

Quagcuttig created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Quagcuttig, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quagcuttig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quagcuttig's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Quagcuttig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Worship no other gods but Quagcuttig.

4. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never play with disobedient children.