Gunjamquat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, resourceful lion.

Gunjamquat created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunjamquat, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gunjamquat, she will turn you into a mouse.

Gunjamquat's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Gunjamquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about tortoises.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never think about asteroids.

4. Never hurt swans.

5. Never eat bark.