Dambastzimzog Haphitbell is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, uncaring hare.

Dambastzimzog Haphitbell created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dambastzimzog Haphitbell, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Dambastzimzog Haphitbell, it will turn you into a tree.

Dambastzimzog Haphitbell's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Dambastzimzog Haphitbell's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never sing in the presence of aardvarks.

5. Always look after injured ants.