Bifditcen is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, witless dingo.

Bifditcen created Europe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifditcen, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bifditcen, it will turn you into a duck.

Bifditcen's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bifditcen's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not eat peanuts.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Respect your elders.