Stafgetquamlargbonk is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, proud centipede.

Stafgetquamlargbonk created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafgetquamlargbonk, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Stafgetquamlargbonk, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Stafgetquamlargbonk's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Stafgetquamlargbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not speak about peanuts.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. You must pray to Stafgetquamlargbonk three times a day.