Lanlarpjig is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, emotional bear.

Lanlarpjig created matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanlarpjig, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lanlarpjig, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lanlarpjig's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Lanlarpjig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured nematodes.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lanlarpjig.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Retreat if seven tapirs approach from the north.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.