Metrowciss is a god.

It takes the form of a small, selfish warg.

Metrowciss created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Metrowciss, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Metrowciss, it will torture you forever.

Metrowciss' most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Metrowciss' Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls in need.

2. You must pray to Metrowciss four times a day.

3. Do not speak about peas.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never wear white jumpers.