Yarpdutxuc is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, staggering zebra.

Yarpdutxuc created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpdutxuc, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Yarpdutxuc, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Yarpdutxuc's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Yarpdutxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt goats.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Yarpdutxuc loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.