Dotyambess Begmidyog Jengutgan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unselfish gerbil.

Dotyambess Begmidyog Jengutgan created gold nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotyambess Begmidyog Jengutgan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dotyambess Begmidyog Jengutgan, he will destroy your home solar system.

Dotyambess Begmidyog Jengutgan's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Dotyambess Begmidyog Jengutgan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always help nematodes in need.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never play with disobedient children.