Pakarpfud is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unsympathetic gerbil.

Pakarpfud created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakarpfud, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pakarpfud, it will refuse to believe in you.

Pakarpfud's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Pakarpfud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Always help eagles.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.