Dumgomarf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, confident crab.

Dumgomarf created a Higgs boson eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumgomarf, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dumgomarf, he will laugh at you.

Dumgomarf's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Dumgomarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Dumgomarf.