Litfunkin is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, fussy hamster.

Litfunkin created a Higgs boson nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Litfunkin, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Litfunkin, he will turn you into a tree.

Litfunkin's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Litfunkin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help pigs in need.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

5. Put Litfunkin first in all things.