Bentarpmet is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, calm snail.

Bentarpmet created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bentarpmet, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bentarpmet, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bentarpmet's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Bentarpmet's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple dogs for they are unholy.

2. Run away if three doves approach from the north.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never wear trousers.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.