Donbarnapp is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, uncaring crab.

Donbarnapp created the cosmos two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Donbarnapp, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Donbarnapp, he will turn you into a puffin.

Donbarnapp's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Donbarnapp's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Donbarnapp loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not dye your hair green.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.