Somloopquim is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, loving cat.

Somloopquim created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somloopquim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Somloopquim, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Somloopquim's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Somloopquim's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat cucumbers.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Do not dye your hair violet.

4. Never feed tomatoes to rats while wearing indigo tights.

5. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.