Arfbarnzantargquafvabtab is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, dishonourable scorpion.

Arfbarnzantargquafvabtab created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfbarnzantargquafvabtab, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Arfbarnzantargquafvabtab, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Arfbarnzantargquafvabtab's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Arfbarnzantargquafvabtab's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Put Arfbarnzantargquafvabtab first in all things.

5. Never talk about fire.