Wattiming is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, temperamental cat.

Wattiming created humanity seven million years ago.

If you believe in Wattiming, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Wattiming, it will turn you into a puffin.

Wattiming's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Wattiming's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never look in ponds.