Narlabrig is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, prudent dove.

Narlabrig created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlabrig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Narlabrig, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Narlabrig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Narlabrig's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Hide from mauve whales for they are unholy.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never eat green fruit.