Abpigflammin is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, intelligent swallow.

Abpigflammin created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Abpigflammin, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Abpigflammin, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Abpigflammin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Abpigflammin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never wear dresses.

3. Never hurt monkeys.

4. Do not wear gold on your body.

5. Respect your elders.