Fonwaparn Pinwoncep is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, strong mink.

Fonwaparn Pinwoncep created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonwaparn Pinwoncep, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fonwaparn Pinwoncep, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fonwaparn Pinwoncep's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Fonwaparn Pinwoncep's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Fonwaparn Pinwoncep on top of all buildings.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always obey Fonwaparn Pinwoncep's priests.