Dimfossvolwab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, clever raccoon.

Dimfossvolwab created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dimfossvolwab, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dimfossvolwab, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Dimfossvolwab's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Dimfossvolwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.