Lopfabsas is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, bad-tempered cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lopfabsas created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Lopfabsas, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lopfabsas, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lopfabsas' most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Lopfabsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Always help dolphins.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.