Quillponlun is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, selfish dugong.

Quillponlun created carbon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Quillponlun, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quillponlun, he will jump up and down on your head.

Quillponlun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Quillponlun's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four horses approach from the east.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

5. Never eat green fruit.