Lapvadhat is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, calm swallow.

Lapvadhat created oxygen nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lapvadhat, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lapvadhat, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lapvadhat's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Lapvadhat's Holy Commandments

1. Lapvadhat loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not kill pigs.

3. Worship no other gods but Lapvadhat.

4. Erect six aluminium sculptures of Lapvadhat on top of important buildings.

5. Feed all hungry sharks.