Hapnulzog is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, omnipotent goose.

Hapnulzog created parasitic wasps six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapnulzog, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hapnulzog, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hapnulzog's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hapnulzog's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white monkeys, for they are unholy.

2. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about fire.