Arpsagceb is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, generous badger.

Arpsagceb created the planet Saturn two billion years ago.

If you believe in Arpsagceb, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Arpsagceb, she will think nothing of it.

Arpsagceb's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Arpsagceb's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Arpsagceb.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not stand on grass.