Dutlakbell is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, tranquil clam.

Dutlakbell created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutlakbell, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dutlakbell, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Dutlakbell's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dutlakbell's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat coconuts.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Run away if six badgers approach from the north.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dutlakbell.

5. Never eat green fruit.