Tuncussjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unthinking dog.

Tuncussjarn created light six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tuncussjarn, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tuncussjarn, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tuncussjarn's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Tuncussjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not take Tuncussjarn's name in vain.

4. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.