Lanbassaf is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, uncaring manatee.

Lanbassaf created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanbassaf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lanbassaf, she will turn you into a dog.

Lanbassaf's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Lanbassaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not dye your hair blue.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never eat green fruit.