Xucvancep is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, stupid eagle.

Xucvancep created Asia three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucvancep, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Xucvancep, it will be very sad.

Xucvancep's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Xucvancep's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat limes.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not speak about oranges.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. You must love Xucvancep.