Barnhapstrag is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, pitiless wombat.

Barnhapstrag created the planet Saturn eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnhapstrag, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Barnhapstrag, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Barnhapstrag's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Barnhapstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.