Satgedbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate tortoise.

Satgedbarn created gold twelve years ago.

If you believe in Satgedbarn, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Satgedbarn, she will make you grow a tail.

Satgedbarn's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Satgedbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Do not hurt turtles.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Erect six gold sculptures of Satgedbarn on top of important buildings.

5. You must pray to Satgedbarn eight times a day.