Sakjamxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, sage tortoise.

Sakjamxuck created Mount Everest three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sakjamxuck, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sakjamxuck, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Sakjamxuck's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Sakjamxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect three platinum sculptures of Sakjamxuck on top of important buildings.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.