Xucbatpod is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, dishonest tapir.

Xucbatpod created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Xucbatpod, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Xucbatpod, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Xucbatpod's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Xucbatpod's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear jumpers.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Hide if four turtles approach from the west.