Hakwabflat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, vain troll.

Hakwabflat created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakwabflat, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hakwabflat, he will cry a lot.

Hakwabflat's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Hakwabflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about galaxies.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never eat wheat.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always help cats.