Jabhaphin is a god.

She takes the form of a large, generous coyote.

Jabhaphin created parasitic wasps four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabhaphin, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jabhaphin, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jabhaphin's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Jabhaphin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to birds while wearing pink ear rings.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.