Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, tranquil narwhal.

Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod created the Sol system two million years ago.

If you believe in Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod on top of all buildings.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fetarmcumkemfobnelwod.

5. Never pour water over plants.