Pontamkin is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, selfish dolphin.

Pontamkin created Africa four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pontamkin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Pontamkin, he will turn you into a mouse.

Pontamkin's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Pontamkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.